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• 4.1: Understanding Abuse
• 4.2: A Survivor’s Thoughts
• 4.3: Understanding Equality
• 4.4: The Cycle Of Abuse
• 4.5: Warning Signs
• 4.6: Safety Planning
• 4.7: Barriers to Leaving
• 4.8:

  Options To Consider

• 4.9: Domestic Violence & Children

Options To Consider

Some Options To Consider

In an abusive relationship options and decisions are taken away. Part of moving forward from abuse is becoming aware of the different choices available to you and putting them into action in your life. At this point in time, you may be considering what to do in your relationship – stay or leave. The following are some strategies to put into place while you are making this decision.

It is important to:

• Maintain connections with your support system; people you feel safe with, who do not judge you for the choices you make – shelters for abused women can be part of your support network.

Nipissing Transition House 24 hour crisis and support line: 476-2429
Women’s Outreach Support Services: 494-9589 (Monday thru Friday days). Appointments are also available

• Find a supportive women’s group. Women's Outreach offers a number of group options. For more information on these groups, please call 494-9589 or see the Women’s Outreach Services posted on this website.
• Find a supportive counsellor. We offer referrals to counselling services in North Bay and offer crisis and support counselling through the shelter.
• Become involved in community activities. Hand in hand with being abused is being or feeling isolated and alone. Becoming involved in an activity, hobby or group helps break that sense of isolation and increases self-esteem and self-worth.
• Have some financial independence. This can mean opening up your own bank account that only you have access to. For safety reasons, request that the bank does not send you bank statements directly – make arrangements to pick them up in person or have them sent to a safe address. Put aside as much money as possible for an emergency – even if this is only a few dollars a week or month. Every woman, whether in an abusive relationship or not, needs financial independence, if only to establish her own credit rating and become experienced with financial responsibility.
• Make a safety plan. See our safety plan ideas on this site, call us directly for individual assistance in planning or call Support Link (a community agency) for help with safety planning at 472-8391. Part of safety planning can involve getting to know your neighbours and working out a plan for them to safely help you, such as by calling 911 or letting you run there for safety.
• Make a safety plan with your children for your children. It is extremely important to stress to children that they do not try to intervene in a fight. Their job is to get to safety. See 'Children's Safety Plan' for ideas on how to create a children's safety plan for your family.
• Ask your doctor/hospital/shelter to document your injuries and how you got them. Abuse often does not involve physical harm. Speak to your doctor/a counsellor/a professional of some kind and ask them to document your experiences. You may not be ready to leave right now but this information can be helpful in the future. Be aware that there is a possibility that these types of records can be subpoenaed for court purposes.
• Try to involve yourself and your partner with people/family/friends that do not use violence in their arguments or do not use alcohol or drugs in their activities. Drugs and alcohol do not cause abuse but can be part of violence escalating.
• Get a part-time job outside of the home. This will help with your financial independence but will also help with your self-esteem and with breaking your isolation. Upgrading your education will also help with these areas.
• KNOW AND REMEMBER – you are not to blame for being abused and life can be different. Love is not supposed to hurt.

If you have decided to leave your abusive relationship, remember:

Although you have made a positive choice for you and your children, the process is still difficult. You do not have to be alone. There are shelters available to support you through the process, make you aware of your rights and help keep you safe. Please see the information regarding the specific services that Nipissing Transition House offers women.

Ways to help yourself:

• You may experience a wide range of emotions after you leave, from anger, grief, sadness, loneliness... You may not even be sure what you feel as you may not have been able to fully experience your emotions during your relationship. Do not judge yourself or your feelings. Let them come and understand that they are part of the process.
• Take time out for yourself. Do what feels nurturing for you. This may be difficult as you may not have been able to meet your own needs during your relationship. Taking time out for yourself helps you know yourself again and helps create positive energy that will support you in the times ahead.
• Eat small, nutritious meals regularly, rest when you can (even if you can’t sleep), and exercise to release tension. Let yourself know that you are worth the time and attention and that you deserve to be treated well.
• Develop a daily routine, set and accomplish small goals – regain a sense of personal control one step at a time.
• Build a positive support system. Re-establish healthy relationships with family and friends, join a support group, take a general interest class, begin a hobby.
• Establish new customs for yourself and your children. The routine and ritual will help when times are stressful, especially during difficult times like anniversaries and holidays. These can be as simple as game night once a week to new birthday traditions.
• Use community resources for support. There may be times through this process that you feel overwhelmed or out of control. There are agencies out there to help. In North Bay, contact us at 476-2429 for referrals to community agencies.

Shelter staff are there to offer support, information and referrals, confidentially and without judgment. While phone services are available, if you would like to speak to someone in person, please do not hesitate to call and make arrangements. If you are in crisis and need immediate safety, you can come directly to the shelter.